Deep (like the ocean) :)

Today, my friend, Melissa and I decided to take a break from studying and headed to South Street for some consignment shopping and cheese steaks.  While we were passing one shop window, there was a painting similar to the picture below that really caught my eye, which I immediately found myself comparing to life.  

(http://sheisred.com/2011/04/page/2/)

As we walk along the dock of life, there will come a point in time when we convince ourselves we can't go any further.  It is then that we must decide whether we will sink or swim.

If Neverland is Real.. I Think I'm Living There

I've struggled with this for awhile actually, and I honestly have been saying for years that I will grow up once I turn 16, 17, 18, or 19.  Naturally, I have yet to do so.  The truth is, there is nothing fun about being a serious boring adult. I would rather maintain my awkward childlike demeanor, than conform to the ridiculous monotony society has become. Granted, there are times when I can hold my own and act serious when need be, but why do we live in a society where it is such a rarity to come across a stranger that will make you smile or laugh?  Think about it..I know when I meet someone who compliments me or is friendly, I'm honestly a little surprised at the change in pace from the usual everyday person.  I feel like we are all stuck in this little bubble that tells us we need to be serious or "normal", and no one is willing to make the first move to try and pop it!  I think life should be more than just going through the motions of a normal day, ya know?  Ever since I was little, I always felt like my friends who were my age acted too old for my liking.  When I still wanted to run around outside and play, my friends wanted to sit and talk (6th grade).  Maybe, I just age abnormally.  Who knows?  But one thing I do know is that, we really aren't getting any younger.  The point I'm trying to make is: ENJOY YOURSELF, smile at a stranger, never lose that childlike innocence, OH and most importantly...don't be boring. 

Don't Hold Back

I went on a bike ride with two of my friends last week along a random trail we found in the woods near one of our usual running routes.  We knew the trail was hilly from previous experience, but we decided to follow it again anyway.  Upon making it to the end of the trail (and the top of the hills), we turned around and proceeded downward to the bottom.  While going down I realized 1. This is SO much fun. 2. I want to do this again. I was surprised when I got to the bottom and found my friends thinking the same thing! After a sudden agreement, we began our way back up the trail. I was also surprised to find the way up was MUCH easier than the time before, and it was clear to me that it was easier simply because the thrill racing back down was worth the uphill battle. As a child, I never remember getting tired when I ran outside. We would run until we reached the base just happy to not be tagged "it". We didn't care we were tired because... it didn't matter. When a child has a goal, I feel like they refuse to settle until they reach it. Somewhere in-between our childhood and our adulthood, I think we lose part of that determination in ourselves to succeed.  I'm realizing now more than ever that children have no limits. So many people spend their early years wishing to grow up, so it's funny now how so many of us wish we were kids again.  I think that's part of what a lot of us are missing today. I realized it had been far too long since the last time I felt that "thrill". My dad used to pick us up in the backyard and swing us around pretending it was the wind. Racing down the hill without holding back felt a lot like that! People grow up, and people change. I know I've changed, but part of me is still holding onto my inner child in hopes of making my younger self proud of me. Weird, I know..but it's the truth.

What defines a runner?

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run."
                      -John Bingham

I've been running for 8 years now, but for some reason I never consider myself a "runner". I've grown an obsession for it but still I never think I'm doing enough to earn the title.  But then I realized that anyone can be a runner. Most people tell us runners that they could never do what we do. That is false. Many times, as Gandhi quoted, "strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." The will to fight until you succeed.
Upon finding out I shouldn't be running due to a tear in my hip, I was crushed. All I ever knew was running. I found myself thinking "Am I no longer considered a runner..?". Well here I am now haven't gone on a distance run since November, and it has been quite the struggle, let me tell you. After so long, it's easy to feel defeated, however, I watched Lolo Jones documentary about her many defeats, and nothing stopped her from pursuing her dream.  Obviously I'm not becoming an Olympic athlete, but seeing her fight made me motivated to never give up.  While I can't wait til I can race again, I think I took for granted my ability to run, so being injured has only made me appreciate it more. 

"The only one who can tell you you can't is you....and you don't have to listen"

I think people get annoyed at me when I talk about running. People used to ask me why I run every day...after trying to explain to them why countless times, I've found that I can never put it into words. I then came to the conclusion that if they need to ask, then they will never truly understand. We were all born to run. As babies we learn to crawl, walk and eventually run. As children we run as fast as we can for as long as we can just in hopes of not being tagged "it". So how did so many of us grow away from our natural born ability to run? 

Could You Live on $1 Per Day?

Could you?  I know I couldn't.  I feel like there are times when we think things couldn't get any worse.  Well guess what...they most certainly could. Why is it so hard for us to be positive sometimes? Why is it so hard to just pause for a minute and appreciate the good in our lives?  After watching a documentary about 4 students going to Haiti to experience life for 30 days how the Haitian people did..on $1 a day, it made me not only appreciate all I take for granted, but it made me want to do more good and serve others. Why does it seem that people who have so little are willing to give so much more than those who seem to have "everything"...?. I think when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how much wealth you gain or how beautiful your house looks.  What matters most is whether you are happy. Working at a fast food restaurant part time, it's easy to become frustrated at times, but I've come to realize it's all in how you look at it.  We all have the choice when we wake up in the morning whether we will be miserable or happy. In being able to appreciate the littlest things; a compliment from a stranger, a warm smile, or even a simple "thank you", I've found life to be much more meaningful.  We walk through a majority of our lives blinded sometimes finding it a trial just to "get through the day".  I know I'm guilty of it too.  We are so concerned with our busy schedules, we can never take a moment to appreciate the good.

One afternoon after leaving my grandparents, as we drove down the street my dad commented on the beautiful trees.  I barely noticed them or even cared..I meant they're just trees right? Well they were just trees..until my mom remarked that we should take a video to show my granddad who hasn't left his house in over a year due to ALS. I think at that moment I realized the beauty surrounding me everywhere I go not only in nature, but in people as well. We encounter so many different kinds of people throughout our lives. Some are easy to love, but lately I'm realizing how true it is that those who are hardest to love really need love the most. My mom always tells me when I struggle to give people the benefit of the doubt to be patient because you never know what someone's day has held. I've found these words to be so helpful and instead of getting angry at those causing me most frustration, I try to practice loving them instead. What if each day we treated every person we encountered as though they would die tomorrow.  Yeah, it does sound morbid, but let's be real, if we woke up each day thinking "I'm going to change at least one person's life today for the better" or "I'm going to try to make someone's day today", our world would be such a better place! If only we could all just embody the compassion of a child or the kindness of  a stranger putting a few coins in an expired parking meter to save someone from receiving a ticket.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGeFpz10baw

here's a link to the $1 a Day video!! It's long, but, trust me, it's worth it.

Keep Smiling

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are...

I complain much more than I need to.  There are many times when I simply forget to be thankful for all I have.  I forget to look around me and appreciate all my blessings. 

Well. RIGHT NOW would be a perfect example of how I complain too much. Here I am complaining all the time about how I am unable to run for a few months due to a hip injury, while there are so many people who were never able to run in the first place.  They were never able to feel what it's like to get a runner's high or be in the middle of a long run and never want to stop. Even worse, there are those who will never run again. I will run again. I'm being so insensitive.  It just hit me that while I am over here feeling sorry for myself, my  Granddad is completely paralyzed. He used to be a runner.  Sometimes we need to be smacked in the face with these reminders in order to better ourselves.  We need to recognize the pain of those around us before we begin to think of our own pain as so unbearable.  

This song just came on pandora.  But it is so reassuring isn't it? We are never alone.  We will struggle. But we will overcome the struggles.  My sister was a hurdler and told me that the only way to get over a hurdle was to look past it.  In life we will be burdened with difficult situations, but one of the only ways to move on, is to look past them to the future.  During a cross country race I always dreaded the hill that would greet me at the 2 mile mark, but I knew after the hill, the ground would flatten out, and there would be a downhill for me to look forward to.  The same thing applies to life. My coach always told me that we would never appreciate the sunniest and most beautiful of days if we had no miserable and rainy days to compare them to.  We need to recognize and experience the bad in order to fully appreciate the good!

So next time you're about to complain, stop yourself

Instead think of something you are thankful for and smile.

Because life is beautiful...

and there's so much to smile about.

Now's when my life begins!

Well, I think it's safe to say that I am a horrible blogger.  I wrote this in January, and I am literally just getting around to posting it now...but anyway since my last blog I am absolutely loving college.  Being a commuter has pulled me out of my comfort zone and forced me to open up, and that has made all the difference.  Anyway, this past week I was granted the opportunity to be a part of the Focus Conference in Orlando, Florida along with 6,000 other Catholic students.  Several days leading up to the conference, I'll admit it was really the last thing I wanted to do and even tried getting out of it.  However, I reluctantly went along and got on the bus.  Now mind you, this was about an 18 hour bus ride.  I was probably the most stubborn and frustrated person, and I couldn't help but feel completely miserable.  Even once we arrived, I wished I were home. I swear all I did was complain. I went to mass feeling disgruntled and barely made it through hearing the speaker afterwards, because I felt it was a waste of my time.  Then, I woke up on Thursday.  On this day I learned that "small steps can".  I learned the importance of what it means to be joyful in the midst of suffering.  I was told not to just exist, but to LIVE.  Jesus changed our story.  I learned that if He didn't come to redeem everything, He didn't come to redeem anything.  I learned the importance of character.  That living the life of good character is to live the life of freedom.  In determining who our friends are ask yourself: is this me loving my brother/sister or is this me using my brother/sister.  When did it become okay to laugh or find entertainment in the suffering of others.  We are all brothers and sisters.  I learned that it is not happiness we yearn for, but peace.  If you are not living for God, you are not living.  God is peace. To live for God is to find peace.  "Be human. Be humble. Be vulnerable."

On the following day, Friday, I woke up late and unfortunately missed mass.  Little did I know that morning that this would be the most life changing day of my life.  Today I found myself excited to go to each talk.  I learned the importance of love.  Love is being able to say "I love you more today than when we first got married".  We were made to love and made FOR love.  This whole experience was truly a wake up call.  One moment of joy after another.  All my life I've been Catholic.  I've gone through all the motions of being Catholic but never until this past week had I fully understood how much God loved me..and all of us.  I learned that He loves you as you are TODAY.  He is the only one who will truly always be there.  I learned when I am a mess..to go to Jesus!  "Tell God all about it. As you are. Honestly. Constantly."  Who needs a counselor when Jesus is there anytime anywhere?!  I learned to live a life of inspiration.  "I'm a mess, but I'm His mess." That night we had adoration. Now when I saw in the program it would be 2 hours long, I thought it would be almost unbearable.  However after confession, I found myself uncontrollably crying my eyes out when I returned to adoration.  It's a feeling I cannot begin to describe, but I was so overjoyed that I couldn't stop crying!  I had never felt so refreshed and alive and LOVED.  Being among thousands of Catholics who were all praying together made me feel unstoppable.  At this moment, my heart was totally filled with the love of God.  I'm not just saying this.  Cause remember I didn't want to go to adoration? I didn't even want to go on the trip in the first place!! So yeah.  It was an indescribable moment.  They always say that Jesus is always with us and everything, but at that moment there is no doubt in my mind that he was present.

On Saturday, I was so fired up.  I was so ready to get back to reality and change the world.  The speaker in the morning said one of the best quotes I've ever heard.  "Be the best read, the best trained, the best.  Know your facts, quote people correctly.  Be prepared.  Whatever your field, be the best prepared in the room.  They may not agree, but they can never say you're lying."  As simple as a message it is, it stuck with me and continues to motivate me.  I learned that we are all built for a particular service.  "God did not make us to be grumpy!"  I learned that a man has the power in what he does, but a woman has the power in who she is.  Jesus gave us his body last, so why should women give their body first.  I learned that we know we are worth more than the world offers us. THEN the other most life-changing moment of the trip happened in my last impact session talk.  The speaker referred to a time when he and another missionary approached a drug dealer on the street, and while they thought they were looking at Satan himself, they later realized that this man was far from Satan.  He had just never known love.  When they told the man how loved he is by God, the man broke down in tears.  "People think they are animals, but really they have just never known love."  I always struggle with what to do about homeless people approaching me on the streets, but this talk reminded me that Jesus came as a poor man.  If we cannot see Christ through poverty then when will we?  I was reminded that Jesus helped the outcasts.  We must extend ourselves to others.  That is when we will know true happiness.  When you are unhappy with something, change it.  When you think hmm someone should do something about that, ask yourself, is it me?  I learned that Saints haven't fallen from heaven, they've struggled and they've sinned.  They just took action.  To wrap up my day, I learned that if God is king, and I am His daughter, then I am a princess. <3

Our final day at conference, Curtis Martin gave a remarkable speech.  He said that "if you are what you're meant to be, you will set the world on fire".  What's really important is what's next, not what just happened.  We must joyfully embrace our crosses like Jesus did.  And finally he said.. "Repent.  Keep changing your life, and you will change the world."

So, that was a wonderful experience...but unfortunately we had to come back to reality, and it was a smack in the face.  I came back enthusiastic about making a difference in the world, but everyone I knew and talked to was still in the same mindset as before.  "Setting the world on fire" was a lot harder than I expected it to be!  However, I'm learning that it is a gradual experience.  It would take forever for one person to build a house..BUT the more people who contribute and do their part, the quicker the job gets done!

A new chapter

Well, I'm in college now...and I can't believe how the time has flown. Lately I've been really starting to miss high school again, but I keep telling myself to move past it. I love college so far and I know I'll have a blast there once I find a group of friends. All I can think of is running though and how much I miss XC and Track. It's so hard to see some of my friends going onto other teams at college meanwhile I'm not only a commuter, but I also don't have a team. Going into freshman year of high school I realized how important being a part of a team was to me. It made me feel much more secure and connected. Sometimes I would wonder if it was really running that I loved or was it the team and atmosphere? I can't help but think I'm one of the most unaccomplished people ever. Like what the heck...the other day I went to the track with the intention of doing 12 400s at 90-95 pace. However, I only did 3. I walked away from the track feeling like the biggest quitter, and I hated myself for it. I also now have tendinitis in both hips so I tried to rest it for 1-2 weeks like I was told, but I barely made it four days without desperately needing to go for a run. Whether it was the team, atmosphere, coaches or just running that I loved, I know now that while I wasn't allowed to run, it made me appreciate it so much more. It's funny how life works. When a child is told they cannot have a cookie, it only makes them want one more. Or how every teen complains about going to school, but we all know that if we were told we were never allowed to go to school again, we would without a doubt miss it. I think it all comes down to the feeling of having control.

I was just listening to Pandora and "Your Song" by Elton John came on. This line stood out to me; "How wonderful life is when you're in the world", and I realized how true it is! Everyone needs someone to help make life the best it can be, whether it be a significant other, a parent, sister, friend, grandparent or anyone.

On a side note, my brother just came in my room and slapped me then I said "no other college student has a little brother coming in their room anymore cause they're all living there!" THEN I realized, I wouldn't have it any other way. I keep moping around that I'm commuting, but first of all, I don't even mind the train....and second of all, I know I'll come out of this year with much more experience and knowledge than I would if I were living on campus. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger<3

Try try try again

 I’m going to start out by saying that I can easily remember this one night in particular as if it just happened.  On this very night, I ran literally the worst race of my life (or I felt like I did anyway).  It was so horrible and as soon as I crossed the line I just broke down and cried like a baby because I felt like such a failure not getting the time my coach had expected of me.  The bus ride home was even worse when he told me my race was a disgrace and my other coach said it was pretty ugly.  I was miserable.  But once I got home, I told myself to move on and just do better next time.  And then I got inspired and wrote a note to try and motivate myself for next time:

            Okay, so to most people track is an insane sport where people run because they are crazy.  But to a runner, track is a lifestyle. It is a constant struggle to push yourself to achieve more than you ever thought you could handle. There are times when all you want to do is stop running and crumple to the ground to catch your breath...but you don't.  Your body will beg you to quit, but you refuse to listen.  And the reason you don't is because nobody wants to go out a quitter.  When you finish a race no matter the distance, and every amount of energy is spent, there is nothing greater than that feeling when you see your success in the look on your coach’s face.  Now, don't get me wrong, one isn't always going to find themselves in this position.  My coach has instilled in me that actually the only way to really appreciate your success is to learn from your failures.  There have been many times when I know during a race I just sucked or "punked out" but track is not always about getting a medal or beating all of your opponents.  Sometimes winning is being able to get back up and try again.  One cannot achieve anything without learning from their mistakes. 

            Really the best word I have to describe track is addicting.  There are certainly times when you will hate it and feel defeated, but for some reason you can never actually get away from the sport because you love the feeling of success. And that feeling outweighs any other, so you keep trying until you are content.  But you are never content.  After a personal best, you cannot help but already have bigger goals for your next race.  The biggest motivation to do well is to ALWAYS believe in yourself..because if you don’t then who will?  Tonight I was reminded of something.  Being upset after a race is not going to get you anywhere. It will only make you more miserable. What every runner needs to do, no matter how they ran, is to forget the past and keep moving forward. 

            It's indescribable, the different moods at track meets.  Some runners are ready to break state records while other runners are just focusing on finishing their race.  While one person may have done very poorly in their race, someone else just a few feet away has a smile from ear to ear and the satisfaction of a medal hanging around their neck.  So who will you choose to be? The runner upset with themselves filled with regret? Or the runner who gets out there and runs for themselves, and finishes proud with a pat on the back from their coach.  This does not only apply to running, but in all areas of life.  You deserve to be successful. You owe it to yourself.  So the choice is yours.  Maybe you won't have a medal, but track is not about a shiny medal, winning, or even your other competitors. Every race is a race against you.  When you stand on the line, you know what lies ahead of you. You know the feel of every second from the BANG of the gun to crossing the finish line..but what you have to tell yourself when you stand there with the other runners?..this IS my race and NOTHING can stop me. No one can control how fast you go or how many people you pass, BUT you. 

            

Life's too short to let it pass you by

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I'd have to say this has been one of my favorite quotes for some time now. It's a nice little reminder that we should live each day to the fullest. I feel like this quote definitely applies to my life.. especially to my senior year of high school. On one night in particular that comes to mind, my friends and I had planned to go to the football game that night, but due to the rain we were close to deciding against it. However, after some convincing, we agreed we would go and try to make the most of it. Not only did we "make the most of it" but we marked it as one of the best nights of our lives. It's the nights we're so close to just staying in that end up being the most memorable.

The mornings that turn into evenings

My grandparents need a lot of help these days and for a little while I'll admit that when my mom would ask me to come over with her to help out, I'd be somewhat hesitant. It wasn't until the past few weeks when I realized how special it is to have this time alone with my loving grandparents. Growing up in a big family (my mom being one of nine, and me being one of 31 grandchildren) I was never really close with my grandparents, and I began to envy other people my age who were so close to theirs. However, it's the quiet Friday afternoons sitting around at the dining room table with my Granddad's favorite music playing and my Grandmom humming along that I've come to truly appreciate most. Having this time alone with them is something I will always cherish. Sometimes all we really need is a quiet day at Grandmom and Granddad's to remind us of our blessings :)

Four years at a glance

Hmm..looking back on the past four years of high school, I feel like the majority of what I learned, I learned from sports. My coaches have instilled in me to never give up and to always go out and chase down my dreams.  They taught me that nothing was impossible if there was enough desire present. At one track meet after a bad race, I was feeling pretty down on myself but one of my coaches told me to "just keep my head up, and to focus on the positives". For some reason those words stuck with me and actually made me feel better. I think that is more valuable information than you'll find during math class.

Why Not? :)

Well, I've never had a blog before, but I thought now would be a great time make one with starting college soon and all.  Basically I've been feeling pretty philosophical lately, so I decided.. I'll make a blog! I guess I'll begin with the fact that when a few of my friends and I go running at night, we usually put our phones in flower pots/bushes so we don't have to hold them on our run. Well, let's just say we learned our lesson when we got back to find the flowers watered and our phones saturated.. oops :/ So while I was busy feeling angry and sorry for myself for not having a phone, my mom handed me a book to read called Tuesdays with Morrie, which did not take long for me to get into. In the book the main character, Morrie, battles a terminal illness BUT he refuses to let it ruin his mood and the little time of life he has left.  Instead he chooses to appreciate and take notice of all the happy things in his life. I feel like sometimes we get so caught up in life's busyness that we forget to be thankful for what we do have!
One of my favorite songs-- "Thankful" by Josh Groban
"Some days we forget to look around us. Some days we can't see the joy that surrounds us. So caught up inside ourselves; we take when we should give."--these lines especially reminded me of the character Morrie's outlook on life.

^Here's the whole song :)  love it<3