Well, I think it's safe to say that I am a horrible blogger. I wrote this in January, and I am literally just getting around to posting it now...but anyway since my last blog I am absolutely loving college. Being a commuter has pulled me out of my comfort zone and forced me to open up, and that has made all the difference. Anyway, this past week I was granted the opportunity to be a part of the Focus Conference in Orlando, Florida along with 6,000 other Catholic students. Several days leading up to the conference, I'll admit it was really the last thing I wanted to do and even tried getting out of it. However, I reluctantly went along and got on the bus. Now mind you, this was about an 18 hour bus ride. I was probably the most stubborn and frustrated person, and I couldn't help but feel completely miserable. Even once we arrived, I wished I were home. I swear all I did was complain. I went to mass feeling disgruntled and barely made it through hearing the speaker afterwards, because I felt it was a waste of my time. Then, I woke up on Thursday. On this day I learned that "small steps can". I learned the importance of what it means to be joyful in the midst of suffering. I was told not to just exist, but to LIVE. Jesus changed our story. I learned that if He didn't come to redeem everything, He didn't come to redeem anything. I learned the importance of character. That living the life of good character is to live the life of freedom. In determining who our friends are ask yourself: is this me loving my brother/sister or is this me using my brother/sister. When did it become okay to laugh or find entertainment in the suffering of others. We are all brothers and sisters. I learned that it is not happiness we yearn for, but peace. If you are not living for God, you are not living. God is peace. To live for God is to find peace. "Be human. Be humble. Be vulnerable."
On the following day, Friday, I woke up late and unfortunately missed mass. Little did I know that morning that this would be the most life changing day of my life. Today I found myself excited to go to each talk. I learned the importance of love. Love is being able to say "I love you more today than when we first got married". We were made to love and made FOR love. This whole experience was truly a wake up call. One moment of joy after another. All my life I've been Catholic. I've gone through all the motions of being Catholic but never until this past week had I fully understood how much God loved me..and all of us. I learned that He loves you as you are TODAY. He is the only one who will truly always be there. I learned when I am a mess..to go to Jesus! "Tell God all about it. As you are. Honestly. Constantly." Who needs a counselor when Jesus is there anytime anywhere?! I learned to live a life of inspiration. "I'm a mess, but I'm His mess." That night we had adoration. Now when I saw in the program it would be 2 hours long, I thought it would be almost unbearable. However after confession, I found myself uncontrollably crying my eyes out when I returned to adoration. It's a feeling I cannot begin to describe, but I was so overjoyed that I couldn't stop crying! I had never felt so refreshed and alive and LOVED. Being among thousands of Catholics who were all praying together made me feel unstoppable. At this moment, my heart was totally filled with the love of God. I'm not just saying this. Cause remember I didn't want to go to adoration? I didn't even want to go on the trip in the first place!! So yeah. It was an indescribable moment. They always say that Jesus is always with us and everything, but at that moment there is no doubt in my mind that he was present.
On Saturday, I was so fired up. I was so ready to get back to reality and change the world. The speaker in the morning said one of the best quotes I've ever heard. "Be the best read, the best trained, the best. Know your facts, quote people correctly. Be prepared. Whatever your field, be the best prepared in the room. They may not agree, but they can never say you're lying." As simple as a message it is, it stuck with me and continues to motivate me. I learned that we are all built for a particular service. "God did not make us to be grumpy!" I learned that a man has the power in what he does, but a woman has the power in who she is. Jesus gave us his body last, so why should women give their body first. I learned that we know we are worth more than the world offers us. THEN the other most life-changing moment of the trip happened in my last impact session talk. The speaker referred to a time when he and another missionary approached a drug dealer on the street, and while they thought they were looking at Satan himself, they later realized that this man was far from Satan. He had just never known love. When they told the man how loved he is by God, the man broke down in tears. "People think they are animals, but really they have just never known love." I always struggle with what to do about homeless people approaching me on the streets, but this talk reminded me that Jesus came as a poor man. If we cannot see Christ through poverty then when will we? I was reminded that Jesus helped the outcasts. We must extend ourselves to others. That is when we will know true happiness. When you are unhappy with something, change it. When you think hmm someone should do something about that, ask yourself, is it me? I learned that Saints haven't fallen from heaven, they've struggled and they've sinned. They just took action. To wrap up my day, I learned that if God is king, and I am His daughter, then I am a princess. <3
Our final day at conference, Curtis Martin gave a remarkable speech. He said that "if you are what you're meant to be, you will set the world on fire". What's really important is what's next, not what just happened. We must joyfully embrace our crosses like Jesus did. And finally he said.. "Repent. Keep changing your life, and you will change the world."
So, that was a wonderful experience...but unfortunately we had to come back to reality, and it was a smack in the face. I came back enthusiastic about making a difference in the world, but everyone I knew and talked to was still in the same mindset as before. "Setting the world on fire" was a lot harder than I expected it to be! However, I'm learning that it is a gradual experience. It would take forever for one person to build a house..BUT the more people who contribute and do their part, the quicker the job gets done!
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